Still navigating this whole situation;

So to kind of start using the topic I ended the last blog with. So why, that’s the end all question- why do we ache for the person that destroyed us and the relationship you had? How can I hate this man yet sit here and daydream about his touch and what it would be like to have him just run up to me and kiss me. I know it’s sick, it’s actually like an illness. Perhaps I wonder if it’s just the comfortability? I DO NOT like change, hate starting over and cannot stand going on dates. I think my whole life this is why I’ve stayed in relationships so long when the person sucked. It’s easier to stay in the routine you’re comfortable with, because the unknown is too scary so we stay. And we lose literal decades because we’re too afraid whatever else is out there won’t be as good as what we have. But what if it is? The question every girl/woman asks herself her entire life. Do we risk it and not settle? Then what if we end up alone because nothing was better and now we’ve lost what he had? When you think about it, life is pretty fucked up.

On a brighter note, I am talking to the “neighbor boy” again that I grew up with, the one that has wanted to fuck me since we’re kids. My god I love when a man is assertive and takes charge, it’s so damn sexy. This is probably why I always end up with the “bad boys” because they’re the ones who are assertive lol. Can’t help it, if he doesn’t instantly get your kitty kat tingling he ain’t worth it lol!!! And lord this man does, always has! And the fact he is also so unbelievably cute and sweet with things he says, it just makes him a million times sexier! We’re gonna have lunch this weekend but told him tonight we are so sneaking outside like we did a couple weeks ago. He has a son so we can’t go to his house and well I’d rather have sex in the middle of the road than bring a guy home to my mom’s lol. Gotta run….